That’s Why

MetalCat

 

A plastic dog came up to me.
He asked for five; I gave him three.
I guess that was all right, since he
Accepted that instead.

A metal cat went up to you.
She asked for ten – what did you do?
I heard you only gave her two.
I guess that’s why you’re dead.

 

Bene scribete.

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Super Normal

Just another normal day, shopping for Normal Things at Rosauers.

 

PenneChreese

 

Oh, nothing to see here.  Just a perfectly normal box of penne and ch–

 

Chreese

 

…of…

…of…

…what in the unholy $%&# is chreese!?

I feel like whoever titled this product’s mouth melted in the midst of saying it, and no one bothered to question it.  I mean, surely, they thought, surely, an actual human being, living here in this reality, speaking this very language, meant make the sound “chreese” on purpose.

That’d be normal, wouldn’t it?

 

Bene ēdite.

Any Way You Choose

CookieDoughColdstone

 

Apparently, some time between my recent visit to Cold Stone and the last time before that, there was a period where they did not serve cookie dough as a topping.  Which on one hand is a shame, since I pretty much always get cookie dough as a topping there (yes, yes, judge away), but on the other, could just mean that I have good timing when it comes to ice cream.

I almost took this seemingly reasonable and informative sign in stride until I noticed the hilariously unnecessary use of the word ‘ultimate’.  It’s as though the sign-writer got most of the way through the sign before suddenly realizing that it was wasting the opportunity to remind everyone of how amazing and hardcore ice cream is, and so hurriedly applied an arbitrary buzzword to something mundane and called it a day.

So there I am, awkwardly cracking up in the ice cream line in a pretty ultimate way.  You know how it is.

 

Bene ēdite.

Glass Juice

GlassJuice.jpg

 

Having trouble with a sore throat – not being able to get one, that is?

Tired of your esophagus not being torn to shreds?

Ever worry that you have too much blood?

Well, try glass juice!  Try it!

Open up your mind (and mouth (and guts)) to the sensation of drinking knives.

The only beverage made out of the bottle it comes in!

Glass juice.  Internal hemorrhaging has never been more refreshing.

 

Bene edite.