Super Normal

Just another normal day, shopping for Normal Things at Rosauers.

 

PenneChreese

 

Oh, nothing to see here.  Just a perfectly normal box of penne and ch–

 

Chreese

 

…of…

…of…

…what in the unholy $%&# is chreese!?

I feel like whoever titled this product’s mouth melted in the midst of saying it, and no one bothered to question it.  I mean, surely, they thought, surely, an actual human being, living here in this reality, speaking this very language, meant make the sound “chreese” on purpose.

That’d be normal, wouldn’t it?

 

Bene ēdite.

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Glass Juice

GlassJuice.jpg

 

Having trouble with a sore throat – not being able to get one, that is?

Tired of your esophagus not being torn to shreds?

Ever worry that you have too much blood?

Well, try glass juice!  Try it!

Open up your mind (and mouth (and guts)) to the sensation of drinking knives.

The only beverage made out of the bottle it comes in!

Glass juice.  Internal hemorrhaging has never been more refreshing.

 

Bene edite.

If You Care

DO you care?

 

Don’t get me wrong – I think recycled products are great – but this tickled me as what has to be the most hipster brand name I’ve ever seen.  Can’t you just hear the faux-dismissive judgement dripping off of it?

“It’s best to buy this brand of wax paper.  You know,” – a shrug, a look to the side, eyebrow arching, lip turning up ever-so-slightly in simultaneous disdain and self-satisfaction – “if you care.”

They also make toilet paper.

 

Bene vīvite.