A plastic dog came up to me.
He asked for five; I gave him three.
I guess that was all right, since he
Accepted that instead.A metal cat went up to you.
She asked for ten – what did you do?
I heard you only gave her two.
I guess that’s why you’re dead.
Bene scribete.
A waffle falling from the sky
Convinced a bee that it could fly.
It couldn’t, though, and you know why?
The syrup weighed it down.The bee decided she would save
The waffle from an early grave,
So down she flew with haste and gave
A shout to raise the town.A nearby man held up a plate
To circumvent the waffle’s fate,
But once it landed, safe, he ate
The breakfast with a smirk.“How could you!?” cried the bee, appalled,
Then buzzed off to the clouds and bawled.
The man let out a belch and drawled,
“I guess I’m just a jerk.”
Bene scribete.
Another year has passed us by,
And this one uglier than most,
So now it’s time for you and I
To cheer its ending with a toast.
Well. That was…not a great year, was it?
How to ensure 2017 is a better one? Throw some salt, do a dance, will it unto the cosmos?
Maybe just resolve to be as good as we can be and hope for the best?
Celebrate tonight if you can, let 2017 be born to joy and revelry, and have a happy new year.
Bene scribete.
Woody, Woody, cut it out.
Please don’t make me have to shout.
Woody, Woody, go away.
Please don’t be a dick today.
Woody, Woody, that’s enough.
Please don’t bang upon my stuff.
Woody, Woody, can’t you see
That my house is not a tree?
I awoke yesterday to a strange knock – couldn’t tell if it was coming from inside or outside. Thought it might have been a neighbor doing some yard work, but the cadence wasn’t reflective of any productive human activity I could think of, and it almost sounded like it was coming from inside the wall.
I went outside to find a cheeky woodpecker perched on the decorative trim on the side of my house, banging away at the stucco. I reached down to pick up a snowball to throw at it, but when I looked back up it was gone.
It came back later.
And then again this morning.
Frowny face.
Bene scribete.
The trees have dropped their leaves again
And left a mess upon the lawn.
We’ll rake the pile up and then
There’ll be another one at dawn.
Having giant trees in autumn sure is messy business, but on the upside, it can make for a nice photo op.
Bene scribete.
O Stomach —
You hate me today.
Did I eat something wrong?
Did I get in your way?O Stomach —
That’s not very nice.
I’d say knock it off,
If you’d like my advice.O Stomach —
I’ve got things to do.
I’m not making it up.
I promise it’s true!O Stomach —
I’ll make you a deal:
You’ll get tasty things
If you don’t make me keel.
Bene scribete.
Don’t float in a moat
With a goat-toting boat.Don’t fly in the sky
With a sly lying spy.Don’t run in the sun
With a pun-loving nun.(Take note as to why I’m no fun.)
Bene scribete.
Around the corner there’s a snail
Who only wants to see you fail.
So grab that slimer by the shell
And softly whisper, “Go to hell.”Inside the pantry there’s an ant
Who’s apt to tell you that you can’t.
So sweep it underneath the table.
Show it that you’re more than able.At the window there’s a fly
Who’d kind of like to have you die.
So swat the silly thing away
And tell it that you’re here to stay.Among the flowers there’s a bee,
But this one wants to set you free.
So drink its honey, blaze a trail,
And don’t let ruder bugs prevail.Do not listen to the snail.
Bene scribete.
There once was a dog
Who shed so much fur
That when she was done,
Was naught left of her.Tornadoes of orange
And cyclones of white
Have blocked out the sun
And brought on the night.There once was a dog
Where now there is air
And one metric ton
Of creamsicle hair.
Bene scribete.
Crunchy, creamy, hue of wood.
Salty, spready, really good.
Mash those peanuts to a paste.
Smear it on – enjoy the taste!
Peanut butter is really good. Not exactly really good for you, though.
So you’ll find certain brands sold with certain key factors reduced or removed to mitigate the guilt – sodium free, sugar free, even fat free.
Until a couple days ago, however, I would not have expected to encounter an utterly, indigestibly calorie free peanut butter.
*Contains Trace Calories
There’s something mildly creepy about the notion of eating something as rich as peanut butter (or an approximation thereof) that’s so dietarily insubstantial that your body doesn’t derive any energy from it. I mean, it’s technically not even food at that point. (>^-‘)>
…
…
…O.K., yeah, I’d probably try it, though.
Bene edite.
Writin' Fish 