Woody, Woody, cut it out.
Please don’t make me have to shout.
Woody, Woody, go away.
Please don’t be a dick today.
Woody, Woody, that’s enough.
Please don’t bang upon my stuff.
Woody, Woody, can’t you see
That my house is not a tree?
I awoke yesterday to a strange knock – couldn’t tell if it was coming from inside or outside. Thought it might have been a neighbor doing some yard work, but the cadence wasn’t reflective of any productive human activity I could think of, and it almost sounded like it was coming from inside the wall.
I went outside to find a cheeky woodpecker perched on the decorative trim on the side of my house, banging away at the stucco. I reached down to pick up a snowball to throw at it, but when I looked back up it was gone.
Crunchy, creamy, hue of wood.
Salty, spready, really good.
Mash those peanuts to a paste.
Smear it on – enjoy the taste!
Peanut butter is really good. Not exactly really good for you, though.
So you’ll find certain brands sold with certain key factors reduced or removed to mitigate the guilt – sodium free, sugar free, even fat free.
Until a couple days ago, however, I would not have expected to encounter an utterly, indigestibly calorie free peanut butter.
*Contains Trace Calories
There’s something mildly creepy about the notion of eating something as rich as peanut butter (or an approximation thereof) that’s so dietarily insubstantial that your body doesn’t derive any energy from it. I mean, it’s technically not even food at that point. (>^-‘)>