Wednesday Night

Uhhh…poem.

 

Brown moon

 

“This pizza is the worst,” I said
And punched a zebra in the head,
Then rode the escalator to
The brown side of the moon.

“This place is rather bleak,” I said,
But still, I needed to be fed.
Well, then an alligator came
And offered me a spoon.

“I have some jam to try,” he said,
“It makes a pretty tasty spread.”
I took the jar and stirred it up
And thanked my swampy friend.

“This jam may do the trick,” I said,
But first I’d need to find some bread.
So off I ran to Mars to put
My hunger to an end.

“I’d like a piece of toast,” I said,
“Though pancakes would suffice instead.”
A rabbit heard my plea and waved
Me over to her shop.

“I have a biscuit here,” she said,
“You’re welcome to it – go ahead!”
But as I picked it up I heard
A nosy Martian cop.

“You can’t be doing that,” he said,
Then over to my side he sped
And seized my wrist before I had
The chance to take a bite.

“You’re absolutely right,” I said,
And went back home to go to bed.
Turns out I had forgotten I
Don’t eat on Wednesday night.

 

Bene scribete.

______________________________

After some technical difficulties, the drawing for The Amber Ring is back up. Enter below for a chance to win a free signed copy!

 

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Amber Ring by A.L.  Walton

The Amber Ring

by A.L. Walton

Giveaway ends May 15, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

The Tower of Boran – Giveaway

Speaking of giveaways, if you haven’t had the chance to read Shauna Scheets‘s The Tower of Boran yet, you can enter the drawing below to win a free signed copy!

 

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Tower of Boran by Shauna Scheets

The Tower of Boran

by Shauna Scheets

Giveaway ends May 20, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

 

Want it now?  You can pick up the paperback at most online retailers, or purchase the eBook in all major formats at Smashwords.

 

Bene Scribete.

The Amber Ring – Giveaway

Amber Ring Title

Want a free signed copy of my whimsically dark fairytale novella? Then just enter the drawing below (all you need is a Goodreads account). You could be one of three to win!

 

Goodreads Book Giveaway

The Amber Ring by A.L.  Walton

The Amber Ring

by A.L. Walton

Giveaway ends May 11, 2013.

See the giveaway details
at Goodreads.

Enter to win

 

Don’t want to wait until next month (or aren’t in an eligible territory)? You can get the eBook for free at most major retailers (iBooks | Sony | Kobo | Nook).

Or download the PDF right here!

 

Bene scribete.

Atlanta Nights

I suddenly realized that I haven’t talked about this book, yet.  An unfortunate oversight that I must now rectify, as it is something every aspiring author should read:

 

Atlanta Nights Cover

 

The story behind Atlanta Nights is classic.  About ten years ago, a group of thirty-some science fiction and fantasy authors, led by James D. Macdonald, set out to expose PublishAmerica as a non-discriminating vanity press against their claims of being a selective, traditional publisher (partially in response to the firm’s derogatory public statements about the sci-fi/fantasy genres and their writers).  The plan was simple – to create the most magically awful novel ever written, and get PublishAmerica to bite.

Each author, skillfully penning his or her most deliberately atrocious narrative, wrote a single section based on a vague outline, without cross-collaboration.   The result was a glorious disasterpiece.  Chapters repeat or are missing (one is even generated by a computer), the same events recur in different ways, characters change motivation, appearance, and sex, and the plot is wildly incoherent.  When finished, they submitted the compiled manuscript to PublishAmerica under the pseudonym “Travis Tea” (ha-ha) to see if they would accept it.

They did.

A couple months later, the group revealed the hoax to the public.  Conveniently, the very next day, PublishAmerica retracted their offer to publish the book, stating that upon further review, it did not quite meet their standards.  Gee.  (>^-‘)>

Fortunately, the group turned around and published the book on Lulu for the rest of the world to see.  And see it you should.  It’s hilarious.  Each chapter plays up some common mistake, bad writing habit, or other.  It’s effectively a negative blueprint for good storytelling.  A perfect example of everything not to do.  What makes it especially great is that it straddles a line where you can almost take it seriously – we’ve all seen bad but well-intentioned writing – and that gives its absurdities just the right punch.  As they say, “It’s funny ’cause it’s true.”

But I’ve barely scratched the surface of everything that’s so fantastically wrong with this book.  Just do yourself a favor and check it out – your mind may burst, but you might end up a more judicious writer for it.  (>^-‘)>

The paperback is available in the usual places, and they offer the manuscript PDF for free download.

 

“The world is full of bad books written by amateurs. But why settle for the merely regrettable? Atlanta Nights is a bad book written by experts.”

— Teresa Nielsen Hayden

 

Bene scribete.