Any Way You Choose

CookieDoughColdstone

 

Apparently, some time between my recent visit to Cold Stone and the last time before that, there was a period where they did not serve cookie dough as a topping.  Which on one hand is a shame, since I pretty much always get cookie dough as a topping there (yes, yes, judge away), but on the other, could just mean that I have good timing when it comes to ice cream.

I almost took this seemingly reasonable and informative sign in stride until I noticed the hilariously unnecessary use of the word ‘ultimate’.  It’s as though the sign-writer got most of the way through the sign before suddenly realizing that it was wasting the opportunity to remind everyone of how amazing and hardcore ice cream is, and so hurriedly applied an arbitrary buzzword to something mundane and called it a day.

So there I am, awkwardly cracking up in the ice cream line in a pretty ultimate way.  You know how it is.

 

Bene ēdite.

That’s a Lot of Cake

megacake

 

Costco sells a seven-pound chocolate cake, and I’m always eyeing it.

I don’t have a reason to get a seven-pound chocolate cake, but I’d like a reason to get a seven-pound chocolate cake.

I just need an occasion to get enough people together to eat a seven-pound chocolate cake.

A cake party?

People have cake parties, right?

That’s not just a horribly gluttonous thing I made up, is it?

IS IT!?

Cake party.

 

Bene edite.

The Flavor of White Babies

Ice cream baby

 

Ever get a hankering for baby?  A white baby in particular?  Maybe in smooth, rich ice cream?

Well, the bakery at Albertsons has got you covered, my friends, and they’ll do you one better.  They’ll satisfy your white baby ice cream craving in cake form.

You can pick up your very own baby-cake for $5.99 US dollars.  And it’s iced.

 

Bene edite.

The Flavor of Oreos

Redundeos

 

Nabisco has been going crazy with their (often terrible) new Oreo flavors over the last few years, but the package that I picked up the other day seems to indicate that they’ve finally gone off the deep end: “Cookies & Creme” flavored Oreos.

Let that sink in for a minute.

When something is “cookies and creme” flavored, you know what that really means is Oreo-flavored-please-don’t-sue-us.  So what does that make these?

Oreo-flavored Oreos.

Nabisco is straight-facedly selling Oreos whose special flavor is Oreos.  They’re not even trying to hide it – for God’s sake, there’s a full-on Oreo in the background picture of what the flavor is supposed to represent.

Do you want to guess what these things taste like?

Did you guess Oreos?  Because it’s Oreos.  Oreo-flavored Oreos taste like Oreos.

Bang-up job, planet Earth.

 

Bene edite.

Nightmare Fudge

Scary Fudge

Yep, it’s green.

 

But WAIT!  This isn’t a recipe ‘blog!

Well, shut up, you (AKA me).  Because…whatever and stuff.

Sometimes snacks are nice when writing, O.K.?

Anyway, I used to make fudge a lot.  It tastes nice.  But making fudge the “proper” way involves uncommon ingredients like extra-fine baking sugar, evaporated milk, and marshmallow goop; it also requires precise temperatures, and can generally be kind of an ordeal.  Recently, however, I came across the notion of using canned frosting as a fudge base.  It sounded a little crazy, but the basic makeup is pretty similar, so I thought I’d give it a try.

It turned out…like fudge.  And was actually pretty dang good.  I’m not sure whether to be indignant about having done things the hard way all this time, or excited about the possibilities of this method. Probably both.

Want to give it shot?  Here’s what you’ll need:

 

Blue Funfetti FrostingChocolate Chips

 

That’s it. Seriously. A 12oz bag of chocolate chips, and a 15.6oz can of blue vanilla “Funfetti” frosting (for some reason the store didn’t have any regular vanilla frosting, so fine, thought I – I’ll just make it a thing).

 

Prepare as such:


  1. Melt the frosting in a sauce pan until it’s just about bubbling, stirring constantly.
  2. Mix in the chocolate chips until you have a nasty, homogeneous green paste (I use a beater prong for this type of stuff).
  3. Remove the pan from heat and keep stirring as it thickens (it tends to want to separate).
  4. Pour in the sprinkle things from the frosting (how are you supposed to open that sub-lid, anyway?)
  5. Dump the mixture into a foil-lined 8×8 pan or pie tin (it should come out in a mostly-clean, cohesive glop) and smooth it out.
  6. Refrigerate for a couple of hours.
  7. Lift the fudge block out with the foil, turn it over, and dump it onto a plate or cutting board.
  8. Chop the block into haphazard chunks, stick ’em in a Ziploc bag, and store at room temperature.

And thus you will have the easiest fudge ever. Which happens to be horrifyingly green. With multicolored crunchy splotches.

 

Bene edite.