It’s still October.
Well, look at that; it’s already October. And you know what that means – it’s the eighth month of the year!
–I mean, tenth month of the year (dang it, Latin!)!
It also means that it’s officially O.K. to start decorating for Halloween, and that’s a good thing. And it’s time to start thinking about a costume for all those parties you’re sure to attend.
Like this one, here:
This…formal suit? Hold on, I think I’m missing something here… No, that’s–that’s all it says. Formal suit. Is that just a…no, includes mask. All right, yeah, good. Got to have the mask.
You know, the featureless blackout mask that people are always wearing with tuxedos.
Wait. Maybe I’m not missing something, but – what’s the opposite of missing – finding? No. Overincluding? Extracluding? Yeah, maybe I’m extracluding something. Is the suit not the costume, but the costume is the suit?
Are you not dressing up as a fancy person wearing a suit, but as the suit itself?
O.K. All right, Halloween, you’ve–you’ve, um…yeah. O.K.
Hope everyone’s having a great Halloween! Here’s a story.
There was once a pumpkin – an evil pumpkin. It was so evil that, when passing it by, people would say, “Hey, look at that pumpkin, Jim; I bet it’s evil. Rotten to the core.”
(Everyone who passed by it did so with a man – or, in one case, a woman – named Jim.)
One day, a spider approached the pumpkin. Apparently, it was an unreasonably enormous spider.
“Pardon me, Mr. Pumpkin,” the spider began, all politeness, “but I wonder if you might tell me why it is that you are such a dastardly fellow. Do you resent that holes were carved into your face? Or perhaps that your innards were torn away to make a pie?”
The pumpkin did not respond, for it was a pumpkin, and pumpkins cannot speak in the slightest.
(“Then why can the spider talk?” I hear you asking, but I shan’t be answering…
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As we sit a week from Halloween, I’d like to take this opportunity to present this particular decoration for a moment of discriminating consideration.
A clever enough concept at the outset, I’m sure, but unfortunately marred in being constructed, or at least depicted, as a Halloween ghost decoration by a manufacturer who decided to make a Halloween ghost decoration while completely missing the whole basic premise of a Halloween ghost.
It takes a special kind of talent, you know?