Party Time!

presents

 

Finally done with shopping, wrapping, and shipping!  Now I’m all ready for my favorite year-end party (…well, almost – still need a few more snacks!).

What’s everyone else doing for the holidays?

 

Bene vīvite.

If You Care

DO you care?

 

Don’t get me wrong – I think recycled products are great – but this tickled me as what has to be the most hipster brand name I’ve ever seen.  Can’t you just hear the faux-dismissive judgement dripping off of it?

“It’s best to buy this brand of wax paper.  You know,” – a shrug, a look to the side, eyebrow arching, lip turning up ever-so-slightly in simultaneous disdain and self-satisfaction – “if you care.”

They also make toilet paper.

 

Bene vīvite.

10-Minute Story: Dincton Flatt at the Market

I have been neglectful of general writing as of late.

Thus, as penance, I shall sit down and write whatever un-premeditated nonsense comes into my head, without stopping, for ten minutes straight, and then share my shame with the world.

Apologies in advance.


 

Cart

 

Dincton Flatt strolled ponderously through the aisles of the market, eyes darting left and right in agitation.

“What is it, sir?” asked Featherby, his robot coyote.

“I need to find the pickles, of course,” Flatt responded.  He looked down at Featherby.  “Get out of the basket, would you?  Ridiculous.”

Featherby lowered his gaze in disappointment, but obliged him with a hop to the floor.  “I think the pickles would be in the back, sir, wouldn’t you?  Because of the vinegar and all.”

“I haven’t the slightest, Featherby.  But, yes, let us check there.”

The two made their way to the back of the store, and Flatt approached a woman behind the deli counter.  “Pardon, me, madame”  When she looked up, he flashed the smile of a thousand winners, the shine of his teeth alone solving the energy crisis in three small countries.

“Oh,” the woman stammered, then put on a pair of gloves.  “What can I get for you, sir?”

“Some pickles, I should think.  And some strawberry good-goods.”

“Some what, sir?”

“He means bon-bons,” Featherby offered.

“I don’t speak French when I can avoid it,” Flatt muttered.

The marketess smiled uncertainly, but got his items together for him.

Flatt looked around the market and took a deep breath.  “You know, Featherby, I like it here.  It has food, and I like food.”

“Yes, sir, I imagine you do.”  Featherby, being a robot, could not eat food, though he probably wanted to.

Flatt stroked his chin and turned around, but immediately slipped upon a puddle of grease and fell to the ground.

Featherby yipped in surprise, then nosed his face.

“I’m all right,” Flatt grumbled.  A hand reached out for him from the corner of his vision, and he drew his up to it in acceptance.  As the other hand pulled him up, his eyes set upon its owner – the immaculately dressed Mr. Cheverly.

Flatt frowned extensively, but allowed himself to be helped up, nonetheless.  “Mr. Cheverly,” he mumbled.  “You are looking rather dapper today.”

“Mm, yes, quite,” Cheverly concurred.  “Do be more careful, Flatt – there are enough dangers in this world that you needn’t add a market floor to their lot.”

“It was intentional, I assure you,” Flatt lied, brushing himself off.  “I needed to test out gravity.  You know how it is.”

The corner of Cheverly’s mouth turned down in a subtle but earth-darkening frown.  “Ah, yes, Flatt.  I’m quite certain of that.”  He strolled away in his perfect white suit.

Flatt grimaced, taking the pickles from the marketess and dropping them into his basket.  “I wonder what that dastardly fellow has in store for Danesbury.”

“Who can say?” asked Featherby.  “Perhaps he means only to torment those who fall down at markets, when they clearly shouldn’t.”

Flatt shook his head.  “Oh, Featherby, why did I build you?”

“For good times, sir.”


 

Bene scribete.

Shop ’til You Don’t

Christmas tree in cart

BUY ALL OF THE CHRISTMAS

 

Christmas shopping is hard, man.

Well, the shopping part is kind of fun, in a festive tradition-y sort of way.

It’s the ideas – those are hard.  You’re on the spot, and no matter how well you know some people, when tasked to produce a single, paltry thought as to something – anything – they might enjoy or find useful, the best you can come up with is “uhhhhhh…

You know how it is.

But when you do find that perfect something – that’s the stuff, right there.  Yeah.  Then you take a few minutes to nod in self-congratulation, because you deserve it.  Good job, you.

I think I’m about halfway done.  That’s about…I’d say…around 50% less done than I’d like to be.  This year’s been trickier than others for some reason.  I think I just left my creativity in a box somewhere while moving, and still haven’t unpacked it yet.

Need to find that stuff.  Then I can get back to nodding.

 

Bene scribete.