Guardians of the Galaxy: The Anatomy of a Candy Bar

GOTG_teaser

 

I’m not really a huge comic book person, but I have thus far enjoyed what Marvel Studios has done with its cinematic franchise, committing to a combined setting that links all the films together and gives them a larger feel than they would otherwise have alone.  That said, although the tenth entry is the least connected to that shared universe yet, I think Guardians of the Galaxy is the first to live up to that sense of wit and charm set by the studio’s stellar initial outing of Iron Man.

It’s not perfect, and it won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, and I don’t know that I can quantify precisely why I enjoyed it so much, but it’s just so delightful that you may as well call it a big, tasty – kind of sweet, kind of nutty – candy bar in movie form.

 

Awesome Mix Tape #1You’ve got the rich, chocolate coating of some fantastic visuals and CGI.  Take a break from the dark and dour – this is comic-book colorful at its finest.  Atop that, there’s a sprinkle of mixed nuts in the form of a catchy 1970s soundtrack.  Not exactly what you’d expect with science fiction, but the songs are well-chosen, have a story-relevant presence, and add to the quirky vibe of the film.  “Come and Get Your Love” is one of those songs that periodically seems to pop into my head at random, so there was a strange sort of pleasure in hearing it kick off the title sequence.  And “Hooked on a Feeling” has been stuck in my head all week – thanks, Marvel.

Next, we have a layer of sea-salted caramel that provides the standout flavor of off-kilter fun and humor throughout.  It’s a nice, consistent layer – this is a fabulously mirthful movie.  The characters are all memorable and entertaining, pulling off a constant stream of smiles and a good spread of bust-out laughs from start to finish, which is a handy feat to accomplish (again, I’d say the original Iron Man is the only other Marvel flick to succeed there).

RocketThen, at the center of our confection, we have a curious core of treacle named Rocket – an unconventional secret ingredient that complements the rest better than one might expect and really makes the whole thing pop.  I guess there are two reactions you could have to the notion of a talking raccoon bounty hunter in a live-action space romp: you can throw up your hands and say “O.K., this is a bit too ridiculous,” or you can sit back, buy into the craziness, and marvel (…yeah, I said it) at just how realized the scene-stealing little furball is.  Rocket could have easily been a one-note gimmick, and in the hands of most writer/directors probably would have been, but James Gunn (who admits to a little favoritism) instead gives this computer-animated unhuman character fully-fledged protagonist status, the like of which has only really been done (at least effectively) in District 9 and Rise of the Planet of the Apes – but unlike Christopher Johnson (and Guardians co-star Groot), Rocket has to avoid an uncanny valley in resembling an actual animal, and unlike Caesar (and Guardians co-star Groot), he has to speak a whole lot more than a three-word sentence containing his name.  But chocolate and treacle can mix pretty well, as it turns out, and the CGI is at its most impressive with this raccoon; he’s wonderfully expressive, and the film isn’t shy about showing him off and getting up close, even giving him half of the movie’s more emotional moments and nearly as much screen time as lead real-world-occupying-object Chris Pratt.  This scruffy, snarly, smartass little critter isn’t relegated to the role of cutesy sidekick, but is all the more adorable for it.

Ronan the AccuserOf course, as with any big-name sweets there are chemical preservatives and empty calories to consider, like aliens that make Star Trek races look imaginative and a central conflict that can be politely described as stock.  Compelling antagonists have never been a strong suit of Marvel films, though (perhaps with the exception of Loki, but only in the first Thor), and to be fair, the primary arc was really more about this group of characters coming to terms with each other than it was them actually guarding the galaxy.  Lee Pace, at least, deserves credit for the effort he put into what little he was given to work with as bad guy Ronan, his excellent delivery providing his uninspired dialogue with more weight than it deserved.  And I did appreciate the self-awareness of Quill’s quip that the MacGuffin had a “Maltese Falcon sort of vibe.”  (>^-‘)>

Finally, we mustn’t forget the nougat – that mystery substance that holds everything together.  Call it a Disney touch, comic book excitement, or Star Wars magic – hard to say exactly what this special stuff is, but I suppose you don’t need to know to enjoy it.

 

So, yes, Guardians of the Galaxy is a fresh, unique, satisfying cinematic candy bar.  It makes me happy, and though it may not be the most nutritional thing ever, damnit if I don’t want another bite.

 

Bene Scribete.

How Don’ts

Tutorial videos on how to do things correctly are all over the place.  It’s old hat, Jack.  But what if you need to know how to don’t things in your life?

Well, my friend, I have just the thing!  The always funny Me Dangerbolt has just started a new web series of How Don’ts to graciously share with us the less than ideal ways she has found to handle certain life scenarios.  (>^-‘)>

Check out the first two episodes on getting ready below:

 

 

 

Bene vīvite.

Bottles

Bunch of bottles

A bottle of anger,
Bottle of stew.
A bottle for me
And a bottle for you.

A bottle of danger,
Bottle of joy.
A bottle to keep,
And then one to destroy.

A bottle of stranger,
Bottle of friend.
A bottle to start
And a bottle to end.

A bottle of languor,
Bottle of time.
And an elephant.
You can’t put everything in a bottle.

 

Bene scribete.

 

Sometimes Bees, Though

Honey Bee

They don’t let you have bees in here

 

There was once a dispassionate bee who flew lazily through the loftiest neighborhood in town in a desperate search of a means to occupy its time.

So it was that when it came upon a tall green townhouse with a cracked-open window, it flew straight in and spied a lone man sitting at his desk.

The bee buzzed quietly, or perhaps quite loudly, up to the man.

“I think I shall sting you,” said the bee, for that sounded rather entertaining.

The man looked over his shoulder, a bored and plastic expression commandeering his countenance, and said, “But then you will die.”  He looked back to his work without another word.

The bee thought about this for a moment.  “Then I shall not sting you.”

The mad nodded without looking back.

The bee, however, with little better to do, buzzed up to the shelves above the man’s desk.  There, it discovered a jar of sugar sitting betwixt a dusty pair of ponderous textbooks.  This was just the sort of thing the bee needed.

Buzzing first in contemplative circles around the jar, the bee then rammed the container until it toppled over, hurtling off the shelf and shattering upon the man’s head, dousing him fully in the grainy white substance.

The man frowned extensively and sat motionless for one hour and one half of one hour.  Finally, he said, “I should have sooner you stung me.  Not because it would have been less unpleasant than being covered in my favorite sugar – for surely it would have not – but because you would have then died, and at this point in time that would please me.”

“However,” replied the bee, “bees cannot speak,” and it flew away forthwith.

 

Bene scribete.

A Hole in the Ceiling

Upside-Down Table

 

I’ve been looking at a lot of houses these past couple months.

On Thursday, while wandering through a pretty decent tri-level, I saw something unexpected in the dining room – a hole in the ceiling above the table.  And I don’t mean some nasty, haphazard, accidental hole.  This hole was large, perfectly rectangular, and even framed, complete with a couple bars of trim segmenting it like a window to the second story.

Why would there be a hole in the dining room ceiling?  Why would there be a hole in the floor upstairs?  What could be directly above this room that would possibly make that a desired feature?  I stepped closer to get a better look at what was in the room above.

Now, I’m going to be honest with you.  When I peered up through that hole, for one brief moment, sure as sure things, the following thought legitimately took residence my mind (a very tiny fraction of a second, mind you, but long enough to actively acknowledge myself actually, for realsies, having it):

Oh, what the f***, why is there an upside-down table hanging from the ceiling upstairs!?

 

But, you know, I was looking at a mirror.

 

Bene scribete.

The Internet is Interesting

I received this curious envelope in the mail the other day:

 

Cable Envelope

 

I wasn’t expecting a letter.  And who’s it from?  Hmm.  Let’s see what’s inside.

 

Cable Ad

 

O.K., a pretty standard ad flyer for cable Internet.  But why was it addressed by hand?  They send out thousands of these things.  And why in an unheaded envelope?

Oh, wait, what’s that written at the top?

 

Ad Message

We just added the Internet at our place.  We never knew the Internet could be so interesting – and so fast!  Thought you would be interested.

—M

 

Well, then.  Who, indeed, could have possibly known that the Internet was interesting?  Who would suspect that there would be anything of note within the largest collection of information and widest array of communication that has ever existed on this planet?  And it’s fast, you say?  Then I sure am glad you just now added it at your place, M, and that you realized that I would be interested that the Internet is interesting.

This is one of the more harebrained (not to mention a little creepy) marketing campaigns I’ve seen from a large corporation, lately.  Note how they think they’re being extra clever by omitting a return address and just using an initial (because it must certainly be from that person I know whose name starts with ‘M’) – real people always send things to their friends and family as close to anonymously as possible, right?

I think it’s the bizarre sloppiness that strikes me the most, though.  They go through the effort of hand-addressing these and passing them off as coming from an individual, but that’s the message they choose?  The Internet is interesting?  I mean, it would be no simple task to convincingly convey why clandestinely forwarding an ad flyer through the post would be anyone’s means of broaching the subject of Internet acquisition with a friend, but I would expect something a little more creative than this bland, generic nonsense – that’s what the rest of the page is for!

Also, I kind of don’t live in Illinois.

But, on the other hand, this amused me enough to share it, so I guess their advertising dollars aren’t completely going to waste.  (>^-‘)>

 

Bene scribete.