Eat Less Salad

dietdressing

 

Watching your figure, but still want to enjoy the tangy zest of dressing with your salad?  Why not try some diet dressing?  You can–

–wait.  Wait, wait,wait.  Cut 10,000 a month?  10,000?  How the $#%& much salad are you eating!?  That’s enough dressing for five salads a day.  That’s twelve bottles just for you.  Are you–are you just drinking the stuff?

You know, salad isn’t exactly a health food if you’re just using it as a vehicle to deliver a constant stream of dressing down your gullet.

Maybe you don’t need diet dressing.  Maybe you just need to consider eating something aside from salad every now and then.  (>^-‘)>

 

Bene edite.

Too Many Clothes

Lots of clothes

 

During a summer I spent in Florence, I would frequent a little cafe that sat beside an upscale clothing shop at the top of a hill, in part because of their marvelous biscotti (mind you, every little confection and cracker there is a biscotto, but in this case I am specifically referring to cantuccini).  I’m normally not a huge fan of them, but the ones here took on a perfect texture when dipped in the liquid of your choice.

On a Friday morning of the last week I was there, I was busy stuffing my face with almondy goodness when a tall, bearded man wearing far too many clothes lumbered through the doorway.  And I do mean far too many – as I mentioned, it was summer, yet he wore so many coats and sweaters that he was scarcely more than a misshapen ball with little nubs of arms and legs tacked on at awkward angles.  Seeing him enter, the owner stood, face reddening, pointed an elongated finger, and shouted “Esci subito di qui!” (“Leave here at once!”).

The overclothed man screamed back something in Russian, then began to advance with all the speed and hostility he could muster, but was ultimately overcome by the limitations of his vestments and went toppling to the floor.  He struck a table on the way down and sent several patrons’ coffee flying, and all of the extra padding actually caused him to bounce when he hit the ground, which somehow flipped him onto his back.  He grabbed the leg of a nearby chair and started to flail it around, but someone wrested it away before he could do any real damage.

It took the owner, myself, and three others (including a seven-year-old girl) to heft him up and heave him back out through the threshold and into the street.  As we were at the top of a hill, the slope in the road caused him to tumble down at least thirty meters, where he finally came to a rest, once again on his back.  Unable to right himself, he simply wailed upon the pavement with his padded arms like a child throwing a tantrum, screaming in deep, incoherent lament.

I went back to my biscotti, and never did find out what that whole ordeal was all about, but I think I prefer it that way, as I’m certain it’s that much more provocative without context.

The moral of the story, I think, is that absolutely none of that was true, and that you shouldn’t wear that many clothes.  It’s ridiculous.

 

Bene scribete.

Something Positive

Plus

 

One of the most important benefits of language is that it fosters the organization of thought.  One of the most interesting things about the study of language in its many forms is what it tells us about transcultural psychology.

For instance, do you know what is perhaps the most widely disseminated term in a given language?

Gracias.  Grazie.  Merci.  Danke.  Arigato.  I’m willing to bet that the majority of you native English speakers could tell me not only what that means, but also the language to which each of those words belongs.  I bet many of you have even used one or two for fun in an otherwise English conversation.  And yet, I imagine most of you couldn’t tell me off the top of your head what the word for ‘I’ is in those same languages.

That says something kind of nice about what we at large have felt is most important to be able to convey to our fellow earthlings, don’t you think?

 

Bene scribete, et gratias vobis ago.